I am a missionary!

I am grateful for dreams. Not necessarily dreams you have when you're sleeping (I had one the other night that a friend and I were Pony Express style thieves - stealing angel baby outfits...it was hilarious!) but the dreams of the future. I love talking with Sam about the things we'll someday do. I suppose there is some danger of saying "Someday I'll do ______" and then never doing it. But truth be told - we can't do everything we can dream right now.

Last night after his mission reunion we talked about going to Africa someday. I told him I plan to take an extra suitcase full of deflated soccer balls and bicycle hand pumps so I can give every little kid I see over there a ball. Do you know that having a ball is kind of a status symbol for those kids? They make their own balls out of plastic grocery sacks all wrapped together. Sam made one to show for a Primary thing. It is a very hard ball! More than anything the kids want to have a ball to play with. Sam has even kicked the idea around of an Eagle project to send balls over to Zambia, where he served. He said if the missionaries had balls to hand out to the kids they would get so many people listening to them. Not that they are finding that extremely hard - Zimbabwe was the highest baptizing mission in 2011 - over 3000 baptisms in Zimbabwe alone! Liz Lemon Swindle has a series of paintings she is doing of African children with Christ. I have this one - so far it's my favorite:

Click on the picture to read the story behind this picture - it is so sweet!

In July of 2007 Sam sent this email home:

Hello to all friends and familyWe had an interesting activity on Sunday. I don't know how many of you have heard of mother's without Borders. It is a program that runs an orphanage over here but is run by a member from Utah. Every year they bring over three separate groups of volunteers to help with different things. It is an amazing thing. This is now the third group this year and in it are two very important people. They always come to our branch so it is a bit weird to see so many white people around. Last sunday as we were greeting people there were several college age BYU girls that kind of is strange to see, but in the mix were a few older couples. Then coming along was a man in his mid thirties who had shoulder length hair and a full beard. That is not a popular picture in the church anywhere and thus I was a bit taken back. During priesthood he sat in front of me and I was unnerved. Oh well I brushed it off. This week we found out that there was going to be a district fireside by a woman named Liz Swindle. She had come over on the trip for some special reason. As we sat down and she started to speak I noticed the same long haired man sitting on the stand. As she began to speak I learned that she is a popular artist in Utah. She specializes in pictures of the Savior. She is also involved in a project with Kenneth Cope. It will come out to be about 60 pictures. The one she is working on now and the reason she is here in Zambia is to do a painting of the Savior with African children. Lo and behold the long haired man turned out to be her model for the Savior, and the one who would be painted. What an idiot I felt like. To have judged prematurely on something that I didn't know. It just goes to show that you can never see what is in a persons heart. It taught me a very important lesson. I am looking forward to see the actual painting. It should be done in December. Well love to all.Elder Robbins


I have this picture now and every time I see it I am reminded of not judging people - and that someday I want to go to Zambia and meet children like these boys - and take balls to them. It is a someday dream. There is no way I could afford it right now - and maybe not for years. But it is a dream I keep in my heart for someday.

The main someday dream I have is to serve a mission. I grew up certain I would serve a mission. I grew nearly angry when people would tell me I didn't have to go - because I always wanted to go. With 4 brothers younger than me our FHE lessons would often include, "When the boys go on their missions..." and I would always add that I was going too. I didn't like hearing that I didn't need to serve a mission. I would do it! When I received my Patriarchal blessing the Patriarch said I could even serve a full time mission - and he sounded shocked. I kind of laughed thinking I would definitely serve a mission! The year I turned 19 I was so lonely - so many of my best friends were out on missions and I still had 2 full years to wait! It was a hard summer. And I kept preparing.

And then Sam came home from his mission and suddenly I realized there was a different mission in mind me for me. Despite my desires to serve a full-time mission there was something else in the works for my life. It wasn't easy to change my desires. When Sam asked me to marry him I nearly cried when I told him that if we got married I wouldn't be able to serve a mission right now. Then I told him, "If I marry you now you HAVE to promise to take me on a mission someday." He looked a little bit stunned (I had already said yes to the proposal though - this was the next day) and said, "of course!" I think he suddenly realized how set my heart had been on serving a mission. But it was a turning point for me. It wasn't that I wasn't getting to serve a mission - it was serving a different kind of mission. My new mission was a family.

And what an amazing mission these last (nearly) 5 years have been!

There have been trials. There have been ups. There have been downs. There have been chances to restore my testimony. There have been times I wonder if my testimony exists at all. It is a life long mission. I have the opportunity to share the gospel with those around me. I am not knocking on doors finding people to convert. But there are some people in my home who don't understand much about the gospel yet...my two boys. I'm sure they came down with some of that heavenly knowledge - but by now they don't remember all of it. They don't know how things work in the church. They don't know how to form their own testimonies. There is so much they don't know.

And I am the missionary sent to teach them. I have a fantastic missionary companion who also helps me teach great lessons. We get to teach about eternal families. We get to teach about being kind. We get to teach stories from the scriptures. We are missionaries! I never imagined some of the lessons we would teach....recently there was a lesson about getting married in the temple that included that you couldn't marry your brother. We don't wear name badges - but we are called by special names, "Mom" and "Dad" and we are missionaries!

I can't describe how my heart sings when my 3 year old prays at every blessing on the food "Bless that we all get mission calls and go on missions." Oh yes, I laugh a little too because he has at least 15 years to wait on that one and I'll have years more than that - but what a great someday dream! I have been thinking recently how my grandma would have especially loved my 3 year old - with his random chatter and matter-of-fact conversations and his dreams of serving a mission. He talks about serving a mission like he talks about his next birthday. He wears a Future Missionary tag to church every Sunday - and he does so very proudly. Grandma would have loved all of these things about him! Every time I see Senior Couples who are serving/have served a mission I think of my grandma. She loved missionary work with all her heart! She served 7 missions in her lifetime - not including her life's mission and family.

The mission reunion last night reminded me of my someday dream of serving a full-time mission. Oh and wouldn't it be great to be in Zambia on a mission!?! Not to mention hundreds of wonderful other places around the world. Someday I will serve a full-time mission! And for now - I will serve a full-time family mission. I spend all my time teaching the gospel to my two boys. My example is the best way I teach them. I am a missionary! I look forward to that day when I can be called on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I anticipate reading that letter that says "Dear Elder and Sister Robbins you are here-by called to serve as missionaries for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints..." It is going to be an amazing day! I also anticipate the days I will be hearing my boys read their mission calls aloud. We are a missionary oriented family. I saw a quote once that said "In this family we do missions!" I need to find/make something with that quote to hang in my home. Because we do missions! This is a family mission and our goal is to have each member of our family ready to return to our Heavenly Father so we can all sit around the dinner table in heaven with no empty seats. It is a lofty goal, indeed. But it is our someday dream. And that's why I am a missionary now - I am a missionary to my family. What a wonderful mission!

Crashing

You know those times when the world seems to be crashing around you? Right now feels that way to me. Yes, everything is fine here in our little home - but outside that home, things are pretty crazy. Our neighbor, Grant Moedl, is still missing.

There has been no sign or trace of him for a few days. He is one of the nicest men and so down to earth. There is no reason what so ever to suspect he just ran off and left his family - even the police are saying that. I can't even imagine how his wife and daughter must be feeling. They have started getting letters from psychics who claim to have visions of Grant. One in particular was extremely graphic as to how he died. I can't even imagine why someone would even think it was ok to send a horrible letter like that to someone who is already having such a hard time. It makes my blood boil.

For those who don't really believe he is missing, that he ran off and left his family, I wish you could have been with me delivering fliers on Main Street in Rexburg. I heard so many stories about how people knew Grant. People who were his friends, school mates, co-workers. It was amazing. I teared up many a time. Grant is a good man, and he was good before he went missing. He is definitely loved by his family and friends. Please keep spreading the word about him. Let's bring him home, ok?


In other news, Sendai Japan got hit by a second tsunami last night. My heart feels like it is breaking for these good people. I can't even imagine losing my house in seconds, let alone losing people I know and love. Most of all, I can't imagine going through a situation like that without my knowledge of God. Japan allows missionaries from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to enter. But the people aren't overly receptive to messages from the church. I know this because I have one brother who returned last June from Japan and another brother who is serving in Tokyo right now. While I was attending BYU-Hawaii I liked to visit the Laie temple visitor center. There they have a video they show anyone Asian (in their own language) and it's not about the missions of the church like we normally show people. This particular video was to teach people that there is a God. Japanese culture doesn't believe in God.

The earthquakes and tsunamis that Japan is experiencing are tragic. But I believe if I were in that situation it would be unbearable if I didn't believe in a higher power. I don't believe God made this happen. But I do believe he allowed it to happen. In the Book of Mormon there is a scripture that says:

And thus we see that except the Lord doth ^achasten his people with many afflictions, yea, except he doth visit them with ^bdeath and with terror, and with famine and with all manner of pestilence, they will not ^cremember him.
Helaman 12:3

I read this just the other day and was struck with a remembrance of September 11, 2001. Do you remember how we all prayed then? Our hearts were turned to God. It is true that tragedies turn us to God. And I believe these disasters will help turn the Japanese people to God.

I have been praying for the Japanese people a lot lately. I pray for their safety. I pray that their hearts will turn to God in their time of sorrow and loss. I pray the missionaries will be able to be strong and ready to serve and teach. I pray they will learn about the blessings of eternal families. Losing someone you love is sad. No amount of knowledge will really take that sadness from you. But the knowledge that not only will you see your family members and friends again, but you will be sealed to your family - for eternity, gives you reason to keep going. I am so grateful that our little family is sealed together for eternity. I am grateful that our extended families for several years/generations are sealed together. Family is everything. I am grateful to know that though we will lose family members because death is a natural part of life, we can all be together again someday. This knowledge brings me great peace.

Please join your prayers with mine at this time for those who are suffering. There are a lot of people who need a lot of prayers. I know our Heavenly Father will answer our prayers.

For Time and All Eternity

This is where Sam and I got married. I took this picture about 2 weeks after we got engaged.

This is the Rexburg Idaho LDS (Mormon) temple. While there are many things that are done in a temple, weddings and sealings are one of the most special to me. In the temple we believe that we can be sealed together as well as married. This means that we will continue to be married even after we die. There was no "till death do you part" phrase in our wedding ceremony. Instead there was "for time and all eternity."

I know there are marriages that don't work, and a lot of them. But can I just tell you how much I love the idea of being married to my Cyam for ever? No, I don't really think I can put it into words. I love him, and he loves me and our marriage is going to last for eternity. Does that mean life will be easy? No. Our first 6 months of marriage proved that, even if we had believed the fairy tales that say "They were married, and lived happily ever after." No, the fairy tales are missing a step. There is being married and there is living happily ever after...but in between that there is a lot of hard work. It's not always easy to be married. We certainly have our differences. But both of us are committed to each other, to being married forever. And we can make it work.

Last night we had the opportunity to go back up to the temple. This time we weren't being sealed, but we acted as proxys for people who had passed on before us. We believe that all families should be sealed together, even those who did not live on the earth while a temple such as this one existed. This is one of the reasons Mormons are known for Family History. We go back through our family lines to fill in our family tree. As we fill in the family tree we also make sure to go to the temple to have children sealed to parents. It becomes part of an enormous chain. We are sealed to our ancestors - our parents, who are sealed to their parents, who are sealed to their parents. You can picture how large the chains could get quite quickly.

We are also sealed to our descendants - our children, who are sealed to their children - etc. This means that Caleb is sealed to us forever. He will always be our boy. I know that if he were to be taken from this earth right now, it would be so hard for me. I would miss him more than I can even imagine, I'm sure. But I would find some comfort in my knowledge that not only would I get to see him again, but that he would be my son still.

This knowledge doesn't make every hardship easy. When we lost our first baby it was really hard. Sometimes it's still hard and it's been well over two years now. Sometimes I still feel angry and hurt and confused by the whole experience. And then other times it is so comforting to know that even though we never met that baby, she is still sealed to us forever and we will get to meet her someday.

I love the temple. I love going and feeling the Spirit of the Lord there. It is one of the most special places on earth. There is a climate in that building that is only in the other LDS temples on this earth. What a blessing it is that the Rexburg temple is only a few minutes away and I get to see it out my window every day.

This video shows the inside of the Rexburg temple. It's beautiful isn't it?


For more information on temples visit lds.org