Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Blessings from a dead car

So...this last weekend was crazy. It involved a 9 hour trip to my parent's house (normally it takes 4-5 hours), a dead transmition, two tow trucks, a wedding, an Eagle court of honor, an Easter egg hunt, a stinky baby who had to leave church for a bath, a new car...and 6 inches of snow.

I guess when the car died I kind of expected things to be like they were the last time our car died. I was amazed at how differently things were this time. the number one biggest difference is that Sam and I weren't alone this time. We had 2 little boys and my brother. And while our two year old was thrilled at getting to see 2 different tow trucks come and pull our car - he was not impressed that his teddy bear was in the car. We unloaded everything we thought we'd need for one night but somehow managed to miss the teddy bear. And he thought "Tey" was gone for good. Really, he did. Even though it was 1 am and I was trying to get him to bed he wanted his teddy bear. I explained to him that the teddy bear was in the car and that we'd have to go and get it in the morning. And somehow (perhaps only by the prayers of exhausted parents) he fell asleep without his beloved Tey for the first time in 18 months. The next morning Tey was the constant topic of conversation. "Tey all gone. In car. On truck." He really thought his teddy bear was gone for good. But he didn’t let that stop him from having a great time with Grandma and my siblings. But we were sure glad to see Daddy come back with Tey (and all the other things from the car too.)

It made me think a lot.

I now understand more of how we are supposed to "be as a little child." My son doesn't remember life without his teddy bear. He got that teddy bear when he was 2 months old. He didn't start loving it and carrying it everywhere until he was 1. And sometimes even now it's a struggle to leave the house without it. We often have to hug Tey and tell him to "have fun" before we can leave him behind. It's his most cherished possession. And this weekend he though it was gone for good. As the parent I knew we could get Tey back. But he had to wait. It was an entire day before Tey came back. I'm sure it felt like an eternity to my son. But he waited. He talked about Tey. Asked about him. I know he wanted him back. But he didn't get angry. He didn't throw a fit. Even at 1 am while refusing any other stuffed animals, he wasn't angry. He still loved me even though I totally forgot to bring the bear with us. He doesn't hold any hard feelings against me.

I wish I could be like him. When I felt my most cherished possession had been taken away I didn't react so kindly. I felt angry and bitter. And I shook my fist more than once at God asking him why he would take a baby away from me that I hadn't even had a chance to meet. I was angry for a long time. I wanted to stop going to church. I honestly don't know how I made it through that Christmas season with everyone talking about baby Jesus. I guess on auto pilot. It was, I thought, the last in the string of a lot of trials. A few weeks later the car died for the second time. We were stranded. It tok us 24 hours to get to my parent's house that time. I thought perhaps that would be the last of the trials for us for a while. A few weeks later we moved and I got a new calling which felt like yet another trial.

Sam and I were called to be Primary teachers for the 10-12 year old boys in our ward. I was devastated. I was scared. I didn't think I fulfill the calling let alone enjoy it. It felt like a huge mistake. Within an hour of meeting the boys I knew that calling wouldn't be a trial for me. I knew I would love it. I fell in love with those little boys. I fell in love with their testimonies. I fell in love with the funny random comments they would make. I still love those boys. They are now turning 14. I can't even describe the feelings I get when I watch them passing the sacrament. They get up to give a talk and mention something we taught them so many year ago. And something pulls at my heart. These are my boys. They helped me so very, very much. They gave me a reason to question what I believed. They gave me an opportunity to share my testimony. They gave me a reason to keep going to church.

Amazing isn't it - how the Lord puts things in our lives that keep us going when we just feel we can't keep going any more? He does have a plan for us. It's hard to see it sometimes. It's hard to be patient while we wait for the next step in our lives. But it's worth it. We just have to have faith. We have to trust that one day we will have our most cherished possessions returned to us. How I wish I could be as understanding as my 2 year old. I guess that’s one of the reasons we’re given kids, right? So that we can see ourselves as our Heavenly Father sees us. It’s an amazing experience to be a parent. I am so grateful for that blessing in my life. And what an amazing blessing it will be when we get to be reunited with our other baby. That is a day I truly look forward to…I just have to remember to keep enjoying my days here too.

So what blessings do we get from a dead car? Already I can see that this new van will be much easier when it comes to moving than a car. We have been looking at buying a truck and trailer - but now we can just pull a trailer with the van. We just got our tax return back - we actually had money to buy a car right now. Even just a few weeks ago it would have been a huge problem to be buying a car. The Lord's timing is amazing. I'm sure there will be other blessing we see from this experience in the future. I have hope for the future. It will be great.

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